Unknowingly.......

well.....wana say sorry if i blog a little bit late but seems lately my feelings had been to many ups and downs so been trying and tackling this kind of emotion of being in a yes or no world...

as for this world is full of crap and what can i say coz i have been living in this world for 27 years..... do i care most? i might can say y should i born into this world but all i can say thank you to my mom who give birth to me and bring me to this world as in a healthy person....

but sadly my surroundings had been doing this to me oftenly....most of the time i am blaming myself for doing all the good things to all my friends and to my gf also i am sorry if i hurt you all...but i am trying to make things as normal and i am trying to blend in like water with water not like water with oil.....

how to say this.........i am like a pendulum and a scale in my life for an instance a pendulum if i m close to my friends and the others get far but when i think my other side friends is far i ty to gather to gather so the other side goes further and it repeats and repeat.......

true mayb true am i an optimistic person??? hmmm....how to define that??.. what i know from it i do expect things and put things to my expectations and it says it goes with my feelings also so some people see mayb that is y i am loosing them but no one dares to come over to me and tell me......

i can't really tell who am i right now or am i the real person or not....sometimes if a little of telling and saying infront of me i would be appreciated coz in people eye can see whether it is the real person or not....

it is true also an advised from my good friend say we cannot tell anybody on how we are coz mostly if not mostly all of us is wearing a mask to hide our real self and that makes me think back why am i like this...

right now i am talking in this blog here i am not sure i am talking the correct way, not making sense or making up stories or talking crap...

right now lately i have working in brunei here working of coz have many pressures and all sort type of stress.... and which i am trying to handle it as it would affect my feelings and also my surroundings so which i am trying to find a stress reliever or somewhere to release my stress so of coz many of my frens will say come and hang out.....well it is a partially hangover so then i went back home to take a big bottle of beer and continue hahahha.... just to forget things.....

lately i have trying or start to drink alot...so can say i think i am talking crap
i dunno how to make people happy all i can say is that i like gatherings with all of you coz i wan to make a friendship bonding...coz i tend to loose my friends so easily and thinking of it i also dunno what did went wrong and i keep on saying i can find new friends so am i a selfish person? yea you could say that......

well till then another day another explanation coz mayb rite now i am talking crap here

so to all my friends i am sorry if i make u all hurt and to my gf i am so sorry if i were hurt you so badly

thanx..... Kev